A little update

Hello there! It has been a long time since the last update.
Seriously, I don't have time for this.
Form 6 life with new semester system is torturing.
So, if anyone ever ask me about "should I enter form 6"
My answer will be NO!
If it is still using the terminal system, I will say YES, but semester system, I am so sorry, I have to say NO.

Well, just finished my sem 2 and I feel that this semester is better compared to sem 1.
Maybe is because of the experience gain in sem 1,
I feel that I am more hard-working in sem 2.
I can't promise with a flying colour result, but I have tried my best!

Holidays life is great. But I will get bored soon.
But anyway, I think I don't really have the chance to get bored.
This is because I am going to KL with my buddy tomorrow and will be back on next Wednesday.
Hopefully I would get some nice stuff.

He went to KL Dong Zen to volunteer himself to help out in a camp which will held on 26 to 2nd of June.
But he went down KL earlier on 17 May, which is before my exam.
Frankly speaking, without him with me at here, I feel lonely.
Although we have short conversation, but I still miss him very much.
But the conversation doesn't stay long after he enter Dong Zen.
Could say, we already didn't on call for almost 5 days.
And this is the part which make me most suffer and pissed off every single time.

Sleeping late at night, this be the reason why he couldn't make it for the call.
But what to do, he have something to busy with and me, should not put the blame on him.
I just could not control myself.
I am so emotional recently and I let go all my anger and temper on him for more than once.
Please forgive me.
I will get mad is just because I care. Can you understand that?
Seeing you sleeping late at night and this is just the preparation period.
I don't expect you can sleep well during the camp is running.
But at least, why can't you get a good rest during these few days?
Yes, I am mad, but have you ever think why I should get mad if you are not important for me?
Replying message like a thousand years once.
Escape from the problems I voice out.
And you don't even get me a chance to listen to your voice and let me at least can feel that you care.

I am always in the emotional mood when you step into Dong Zen, but why?
Because there is no communication between us.
I don't blame you for replying message slow, but please don't ignore my message.
I type a long message for you, and you don't even respond to it. You just simply read it and skip it.
Do you know how I feel when you did that?
You make me feel you don't give a damn on it. Just simply throw it aside.
And you only respond if I asked.
Do you know when I keep asking, I feel myself is so annoying?
What I mean by no respond is, you never tell me whether you agree or disagree with what I say.
You did not tell me how you feel, whether in the same way as mine or different.
Don't 'assumed' that I know every single thing. I am not God.
We need to talk, need to exchange our point of view, need to communicate!
If you explain to me, I will listen. I am not that stubborn.
But I can't take it when you just simple like throw me aside.
That is really shit feeling you know!
What you feel you can tell me, maybe like every time you are busying and I message you, so you couldn't reply correctly. YOU CAN TELL ME!
Or maybe you really miss me but you don't know how to type it out or just anything! YOU CAN TELL ME!!
Or else, how do you expect me to know?!

Who else I could talk to?
Do you expect me to talk to my parent about these?
Or talk to my friends? They could only give advices and console me. Will the problem being solve? NO.
You know, sometime I will feel tired being too care, being too protective.
When no one understand your feeling.
And the problem have to be pending until 2nd of June.
Will it be solve, it will just being forget? I will leave this question until 2 June.
Hope it will not be a disappointing one.

Sometimes, I really don't know how to express my feeling any more..
What I wanted to express out, in the end, it bring troubles.
I should just shut my mouth up.
Keep in all to myself would be better.
What I am worrying no one will understand.

Happy New Year

It is a brand new year.
Lets do for the best in 2013.
To all friends and family, may God bless all of you and stay happy & healthy always!

'Happy'
Lets us talk about the term happy.
What is the definition for 'happy'?
I bet each and everyone of you would have own definition.

For me, sometimes I lost myself.
I couldn't figure out the definition for myself.
Sometimes, it is so confusing.
What make me happy and and what don't?

Life is just like a game.
We would never know when it will game over.
What we have to do is, do our best.
Put in all the effort, hit the target and get the point.
Same goes to life.
For Chinese people, there is a quote
Sad will be a day, Happy will also be a day..
Why not we live each and everyday happily?

Sometimes, it is really easy to say but hard to make it.
But still I hope for the best to all of you.
Smile and happy always!
I hope all the people around me would be happy everyday.

by,
ENG JEE

New life

2012 is going to end. 2013 is coming.
How fast the time flies.
Everything happened just in a blink of eye..
I am 18 now, not a small kid any more.
There are lots of challenges waiting for me..

The elder said that, this world is not like how we think about it.
We will never know what a human is thinking.
When come out to the working world there will be a very new chapter to life.
But now, I still have one more year in school.
Which have to wear uniform.
I swear I will miss it really much when I leave school and enter university life.

And friends will be separated to all around the world for study purpose.
Of cause, I will miss them very much too.
Some of them are my primary school friends, almost 13 years of friendship.
I really hope that we can maintain our friendship forever.
I wanted to apologies for everything that I have done which make anyone of you feel unhappy.
My baby, Qiao Yi, Lu Wei, Ching Yuan, Linda, Alyssa, Su Xin, Tong Tong and Yan Ching,
Do you guys know, all of you are the precious gift from god to me.
Maybe I did something quite good in my pass life and He gave me all of you to accompany in my life.
Really don't know how to describe my feeling, but there will be five word is a must to say.
THANK YOU & I LOVE YOU.

In my life, other than my family, there is a person who I can't live if without him.
We meet in year 2009, but we are not close.
We are officially together in year 2010.
And this year is our second year anniversary.
Hardship and challenges never bit us down.
We hold our hand tight together and gone through all problems.
No words could describe how much I love you.
I know, you understand what I am trying to say.
Thanks baby. I love you.
Our relationship start with forever.

There are many memories through out this 18 years of life.
Thanks for all the people who walk into my life and left a footstep.
I appreciate it very much. Thank you!
And of cause for those who walk into my life, not only left a footstep but choose to stay.
I present my thousand thanks.

Wish all of my friends and family,
Happy and healthy always.
Blessing from God and All the best in everything!

by,
ENG JEE

Lost control!

Some hard feeling which cannot be describe.
Sometimes I am thinking, am I wrong?
Did I do anything which make my friends hate me?
Did I did something which that make people feel bad and I don't realise?
I always ask myself all these questions.
If I really did, I really hope someone could correct me in the first place.

I have been thinking for several times.
It is just coincident or there are really something happened and I don't realise?
Why I feel that I am always been left out.
Not to say 'left out'
but, I just don't know what to say.

In another piece of land in my brain thinking...
Why a bad person always can hide their bad things well and pretend like a good person in front of others?
Why all the good person are always been misunderstood by people?
Why those 'dogs' can always very good in acting and creating drama?
But the very main point is, why the hell they always can get people who believe in them?
What I hate the most is people who with doubled face.
I don't respect this kind of people.
You are LOW STANDARD!

If you are really telling the truth, why you are so scared to tell out loud in front of people?
You are just adding salt and sugar into the real story.
When you get people who trusted you, you use them as your defend.
How sucks you are!
You have to GAIN your respect from people, NOT ASK for it.
Don't always say that people don't respect you,
You ask for it but you never gain it,
Let me tell you why, because you don't deserve it.
When getting more and more people disrespect you, you should understand why.
You should take a mirror and look into it, not always pointing the wrong at others!

What make me look down on you is.
When you can't get what you want,
You will start to use the people around you to archive your target.
You even destroy others' friendship by telling the wrong things and make them believe you.
You go around and talk bad about others.
But in another way you tell others that people are telling something bad about you behind you.
I believe in Karma.
What goes around come around.
I believe God is always Fair.

I am sick about you, so what you want you just carry on.
I am tired. I am tired of your acting,
I am tired of everything of you.
That's why I choose to leave...
I chose to let go what I care so much for these 6 years.
I used up all my energy, mentally, physically but not for myself, for all the members I care.
Who knows that?
I am sad, I am disappointed. but who cares?
Everyone will just thought that I leave because I lazy.
But who knows the story? NO ONE!

Even though I hate you so much, but...
Once ago, you are really good, do you know?
I am serious!
Your power, ranking and money make you lost your direction.
Don't let the devil inside you destroy you,
I know I don't have the right to say
I am sorry. even though you are older but you are not always right.
because you are human too...

by,
ENG JEE

I thought it suppose to be monsoon season now?
But why the weather now is still so hot?
It is killing me. The fan spinning with highest doesn't seem to help.
On the air conditional for the whole day is not a good idea, it somehow harm our body.
What to do? eat ice-cream? It doesn't seem to help much too. In return, will feel thirsty after eating.

Anyway, the cadet competition is going on now at school.
I am sure that all the little juniors are complaining about the hot weather too.
Wish them all the best. I do hope they get experiences and learn new things through out the competition.
NOT only wanted to get the trophy.
Seriously, yes. I isolate myself from all the activity.

Let me make myself clear again. St. John is a uniform body which gave people opportunity to learn skills to save life.
NOT a medium for you to fight for power, ranking or even get benefit in term of money.
Some idiot just can't make the situation clear.
Why always wanted to think that everyone want to snatch your power away.
NO ONE every think that before okay?
Can't we just work out like a team, just like how we work together before your existent.
What we do is always for all the members. just like the motto: Service for mankind.

Stop your childishness please.
Your childishness will bring lots of problems which you will never realise.
Just look at the others school. They need the state to organize program for them.
So, please be fair can't you? Don't always just organize program for your own schools.
If you wanted to do so, it is nothing wrong, but can you don't stop the others to help them up?
You said that you organize the program as a area secretary, but why the program is only for your own school?
If you wanted to use the ranking of 'area secretary', then please be fair, the program should involve all the schools. Or else, you are just a teacher advisor, nothing much.

I am not pointing all the wrongs on you, I know I am wrong too.
We are one team, one family! Can't you remember that?
I just hope that St. John can return to its original state.
Not like now, a place which full of politic smells.
Just return to a place for members to learn the skills to save lifes. that's all.
I hope to see the members' laughter is once again on their faces.
I hope to see every Sunday we are busying for St. John activities.
And all that, are full of happiness.
This is what I wish for.
Not for me, but for them. All of them. - Family members of St. John.

by love,
ENG JEE

Getting married?

No. Not getting marry now but just fall in love with all the dresses.
Could not describe the feeling but it look nice and make me wanted to wear it.
Of cause I know. Now is still not the right time even though is the right person.
What I am talking about actually? Never mind, here are some dresses which I like..

Don't you think all of the dresses are nice and awesome?
Sweet and lovely.
But I have to keep fit in order for me to fit in all those dresses in the future.

by love,
ENG JEE